In typical fashion Hurricane Florence has turned into a complete category b***h. AndroWeather’s all-male weather team has been monitoring Florence’s irrational behavior from the beginning. Alpha meteorologist and general badass Jack “the Mack” Sullivan knew Florence was a problem when he saw how she just didn’t seem to know her place in the middle of the Atlantic. “Yeah, she’s what you’d expect in 2018: she’s headed for the coast. Obviously it’s the easiest way hurricanes get attention.”
Despite what devastation could occur from such an incident, Florence has a mind of her own and nothing good can come from that. Online bro-caster Rob “Give Me My Own Show” Gibson broadcasts right where Florence is expected to strike. “Yeah, I’ve known quite a few Florences in my epic life. They always seek attention and just become a bigger and bigger disaster. Of course she’s headed my way, I always seem to attract the train wrecks.”
Using our advanced AndroVision technology, we can see past Florence’s stormy bluster and find nothing but hot air. Like all hurricanes, Florence’s strength is dictated by the amount of hot air she’s made of. However, even without our special technology, you can see Florence is a category b***h storm.
Senior misogynist Phillip “I’m no Frenchie” Camus who’s covered “these types of things” for decades gave some legit perspective. “It’s going to be whole lot of rage and it’s going to get nasty, but she’ll eventually calm down – they always do. Your clothes will be scattered across your front lawn, your car will be keyed, and you might want to get off social media for a while, but it all comes with the territory. Some people choose to evacuate in these situations, I choose to wait it out with a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black. If I’m going to take abuse, I want to enjoy it.”
Your all-male weather team will continue to track Florence’s latest outbursts providing the male perspective as always. Stay tuned as this b***h has just begun.